


control what you can, confront what you can't

by iittaliia



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Bickering, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Swearing, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23399764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iittaliia/pseuds/iittaliia
Summary: ”Dude, what is up with you?” Richie finally snaps. ”You’re being fucking weird, you can’t stop moving around and you’re reading about the French Revolution which we went through last year and -””Are you ever going to kiss me?”Richie feels all the air leave his lungs.//Or, Richie really should have known he wasn't being subtle.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 7
Kudos: 219
Collections: reddie for me





	control what you can, confront what you can't

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t read the book, watched the miniseries or seen more than glimpses from the new films, so it’s absurd this is my fourth fic about these morons. In any case my characterization comes from other fics and I hope I do them justice.

Eddie was being _weird._ Usually Richie loved weird - the good kind, not the murderous clown kind - but Eddie was being weird in a way that didn’t make sense, and it was seemingly for no reason. He was being oddly sweet one second, actually laughing at Richie’s joke’s and going along with his bits, and a minute later he would scream at him for stupid things and not talk to him for hours. He would stare at Richie at odd moments with an expression Richie couldn’t put down, or say Richie’s name randomly out of nowhere and not follow through with anything other than a deeper stare before shrugging and saying ” _nevermind_.”

Richie couldn’t figure it out, but he also didn’t dare to ask what was wrong in the fears of the answer being something he’d rather not hear. So - like any other rational person - he aggressively pretended everything was okay, which is why he had agreed to go over to Eddie’s one afternoon to do homework together. Richie’d figured it would be their usual group with at least Bill and Stan joining them. Sometimes someone else joined too, but the other Losers were a sore topic with Mrs. Kaspbrak, because even though she wasn’t particularly a fan of any of Eddie’s friends the newer additions were undoubtedly the worst in her mind - after all, Eddie’d broken his arm the same summer he met them.

So Richie’d agreed, assuming it would be like any other study session - Stan and Eddie being the only one’s _actually_ studying while Bill usually gave up after twenty minutes or so, joining in on whatever Richie had chosen to occupy his time with from the start.

But this time after Richie’d agreed to come over and was turning to ask Bill if he wanted to bike together, Eddie beat him to it. 

” _You had a thing today, didn’t you?_ ”

Bill had looked awfully confused, glancing between Eddie and Richie helplessly before Stan had jumped in.

” _Yes Bill, remember? With me? We have a thing today_ ”, he’d said, giving Eddie a look. Bill had nodded, slowly, mumbling something that sounded like unsure agreement.

So that’s how Richie found himself in Eddie’s room, sitting on his usual spot on the floor with his back against the foot of Eddie’s bed, mindlessly browsing through their history book. He wasn’t very interested in old Russian politics to begin with, but even less now because Eddie was being weird again. He always sat by his desk, in his ergonomic little chair with all his school supplies within reach, but today he’d just grabbed a pen and a book before sitting on the floor opposite of Richie. He didn’t say anything as Richie raised his brow at him in question, so Richie didn’t push it, once again deciding to stay on the safe side and not question whatever was going on with Eddie.

The decision didn’t last long.

They were quiet, and even though it wasn’t unheard of them, usually their silences were comfortable and calm, not tense and awkward. Eddie was fidgeting around like he got ants in his pants, and he kept changing pages either too quickly or too slowly, shooting somewhat accusing glances towards Richie.

”Dude, what is _up_ with you?” Richie finally snaps. ”You’re being fucking weird, you can’t stop moving around and you’re reading about the French Revolution which we went through last year and -”

”Are you ever going to kiss me?”

Richie feels all the air leave his lungs.

”Wh-what?”

”Are you ever going to kiss me?” Eddie repeats, looking at Richie with a stern expression.

”I - _what_?”  Richie asks again and stares at Eddie like he’s grown a second head. Eddie doesn’t look impressed.

”I really can’t be fucked with repeating, you’re meant to be blind not deaf”, he says, sounding actually quite pissed, but Richie recognizes it to be the type of pissed that he got when he was trying to hide how he was really feeling.

”No, I - I heard you just fine the first time”, Richie replies quickly.

”Then why’d you make me repeat it, dickhead”, Eddie exclaims, seeming highly frustrated which Richie thinks is quite unfair.

”Well because what the _fuck_ , Eddie, what do you _mean_ am I ever going to kiss you?” Richie shoots back, equally as frustrated because this conversation made _no sense_.

”I thought that was self explanatory.”

”Stop being a cryptic asshole.”

”I thought you liked me!” Eddie shouts out - probably louder than he’d intended - and throws his hands up. The pen he was holding flies off and hits Richie’s knee, but he really doesn’t give a shit.

”Of course I like you, you’re my -” Richie starts to say, not wanting Eddie to think even for a second that he’s not liked. Eddie interrupts him, groaning loudly.

”No, I mean I thought you _liked_ me!”

The silence that follows is the loudest Richie’s ever heard. He half expects to hear stomping coming from the stairs and for Eddie’s mom to burst in to tell Richie to keep it down even though it was Eddie who was being loud, but then Richie remembers that she wasn’t home, had gone out to do whatever evil prison guards did on their time off.

Richie never thought he’d prefer having Mrs. K around to being alone with Eddie, but right now knowing it was just the two of them made his chest tighten and palms sweat. 

And Eddie’s just _looking at him_ , like he’s expecting Richie to have any kind of answers, which Richie _doesn’t_. He tries to open his mouth to say something, hoping that if he starts maybe his motormouth would just kick in and he’d talk them out of whatever the _fuck_ this conversation was, but nothing comes out.

Eddie’s shoulders tighten, and he’s so tense it looks borderline painful and Richie fucking _hates_ to see him like this, but even more he hates what happens next, when Eddie takes a deep, shaky breath before glancing up at the ceiling like he’s holding back tears.

”I mean c’m _on_ Richie”, Eddie says. ”I see the way you look at me when you think I won’t notice. It’s the same way Ben looks at Bev even when she _does_ notice.” He turns his gaze back down and Richie is very relieved to note that his eyes are not teary, and realizes Eddie probably looked up to find the strength to not smack Richie - it wouldn’t be the first time. ”You’re always calling me cute cute _cute_ and pinching my cheeks, and there’s literally no such thing as personal space between us. Instead of going out with Jenny Harper when she asked you, you came over here and we watched Ghostbusters as you _stroked my hair_.”

Eddie says the last part slowly, like this is all so obvious and Richie is being a fucking idiot for not picking up what Eddie’s putting down.

And Richie is. A fucking idiot, that is. 

For not realizing that Eddie _isn’t_ , that Eddie is so smart and so observant and so fucking _brave_ , everything that Richie isn’t. Fucking _obviously_ Eddie’s noticed what Richie’s been doing - and honestly Richie can’t blame him because he’s really done fuck-all to pretend like he’s _not_ head over heels in love with Eddie.

Because he is. Ever since that scrawny little kid had come up to him in the first grade, telling him he was a stupid, mean jerk for making fun of Stan for liking birds, all while simultaneously disinfecting and bandaging Richie’s scraped knee, already being the most consistently inconsistent person Richie’s ever met.

Richie’s first thought then, at the ripe old age of seven, had been ” _oh he’s the love of my life, neat_ ”. Of course then it was more like ” _he will be my best friend and I will make fun of him all the time_ ”, but Richie’d long since come to terms with the fact that when it came to Eddie, those were pretty much the same thought in different words.

So okay, Eddie’d figured out Richie’s worst-kept secret, and confronted him about it like the brave little fucker he was. There was just one thing that didn’t make sense.

”Do you…” Richie starts, but his voice cracks from the sudden disuse so he clears it before asking in an uncertain voice ”Do you want me to kiss you?”

Eddie lets out the most frustrated groan so far and throws his hands up again, probably so he won’t strangle Richie with them.

”Oh my God you’re so _dense_ , do you think I would have gone on this fucking humiliating rant otherwise?”

”Should I -” Richie’s voice cracks again and he feels dizzy. ”Should I do it now?”

”What?” Eddie’s hands stop midair as he stares at Richie like he’s gone insane, before he screeches out ” _No_! The moment’s fucking ruined.”

”No?” Richie repeats, and his voice definitely rises up like he’s restarting puberty.

”Yeah fucking no, this has been the most embarrassing moment of my _life_ , Jesus, lets just…” Eddie rubs his hands over his face before he straightens his posture and stretches his hand out. ”Pass me that pen.”

Richie does, more on automatic than actually realizing what he’s doing, and stares cluelessly as Eddie picks his book back up, seemingly going back to reading about the fucking French Revolution like he didn’t just start a revolution of his own in Richie’s mind. 

And Richie stares until Eddie glares at him in return, and Richie hears the ’ _stop staring at me you creep_ ’ loud and clear. So he stops, picks up his own book and tries to figure out why the fuck Russia had picked like three names to use for all the members of the royal family, and why none of them were Eddie because _Eddie Eddie Eddie_.

Richie’s jittering. His leg is bouncing up and down and he’s been staring at the same page on his book for way too long, and if he wasn’t about to burst out of his skin he would enjoy the irony of the role reversal from the start of their study session. But as it is he can’t find any amusement out of the discomfort of sitting there next to Eddie with the knowledge of _Eddie wants to kiss me_ sitting heavily in his chest.

”Eddie?”

Eddie lets out a noncommittal sound to show that he’s listening, but he doesn’t raise his eyes to look at Richie. It’s probably for the best because muttering out just one word had taken all of Richie’s courage and now he was about to try for two.

”Can I?”

”What?” Eddie scribbles something on his book.

”Can I kiss you?”

This gets Eddie’s attention. His eyes shoot up to stare at Richie as he repeats again ” _What_?”

”I really, _really_ , want to kiss you” Richie blurts out, louder now and apparently locking eyes with Eddie was all it took for the floodgates to open. ”I’ve wanted to for fucking _ever_ you have no idea - or I mean I guess you do if I’ve really been that fucking obvious, I mean I’ve literally brushed my teeth every single time before we hang out just in case for _years_ \- and now I can’t stop thinking about it and I’m so sorry for being such a coward and not doing it literally years ago or when you fucking brought it up just now and basically _asked me to_ , what the fuck, but honestly I just never thought it would even be a fucking _option_ and -”

”Richie, shut up.” 

Richie shuts up.

They stare at each other eyes wide and it lasts just long enough for Richie to wonder if jumping out the window head first would be the logical next step.

”Did you do it today?” Eddie asks suddenly, and Richie has no idea what he’s asking because he’s pretty sure he blacked out after the words ’ _can I kiss you_ ’ passed his lips.

”Do what?”

”Brush your teeth.”

”Oh”. Oh, yeah, he said that. ”Yeah, four minutes because three is the recommended and an extra minute because I know you like to do five but also I don’t have all day, that’s insane.”

Eddie seems to consider this, but Richie can see his lips quirk up slightly - so slightly that anyone who wasn’t an expert in all things Eddie wouldn’t even notice - and Richie knows he’s just being a little bitch on purpose.

”Okay”, Eddie finally says after what feels like hours but was probably closer to ten seconds.

”Okay?”

”Ask me again.”

”Ask you wha-” Eddie sends him a _look_ and Richie goes _oh_.

”Hey Eddie?”

”Yeah Rich?”

”Can I kiss you?”

”Yea-”

The word's not even out of Eddie’s mouth yet before Richie stumbles forward, unceremoniously crashing their lips together in a very uncoordinated and unnecessarily hard kiss. Eddie lets out an _umph_ sound as he starts to fall down, scrambling to catch himself.

”Richie, wait -” Eddie mumbles out, against Richie’s mouth, and Richie _immediately_ moves backwards, putting a fair amount of distance between them, actually _scooting_ back until his back hits the foot Eddie’s bed.

”Shit, sorry, I thought -”

”No, I didn’t mean - where are you going, stop being stupid, what the fuck.” Eddie’s leaning against his hands, having caught himself before fully falling over, and he’s staring at Richie with a confused yet irritated look.

”You said wait”, Richie shrugs, feeling self-conscious. It feels like Eddie’s simultaneously too close and yet not close enough.

”Yeah, _wait_ , not _move as far away from me as possible_. I was about to fall over, I could have cracked my skull open and what the fuck would we have done then?”

”Put a bandage on it?” Richie suggests, trying to hide the immediate relief he felt upon hearing that the wait simply meant _wait_ , and not _get off me forever_.

Eddie shrieks. ”A _bandage_? You would treat an open head wound with a _bandage_?”

”I mean, it wouldn’t be an open wound anymore would it?” Richie points out, and the look on Eddie’s face is one of Richie’s favorites. It’s so _Eddie_ that Richie starts to feel more like himself too. What’s happening with them is scary, but it’s also new and exciting and Richie feels absolutely giddy looking at Eddie, waving his hands around and yapping about head injuries only a moment after they _kissed_.

”Can I do it again?” Richie asks, interrupting something that sounded like death statistics, because even though he’d said his initial response with the intention of getting a rise out of Eddie, he now realized it was counter productive to what he really wanted to do - to what they apparently _could_ be doing instead.

Eddie blinks at him, karate-chop stopping midair. ”I - yeah.” Richie smiles bright, quickly clambering himself up on his knees to shimmy closer, but just before he’s close enough Eddie turns his hand so his palm is out, stopping Richie. ”Only after you tell me you know what to do with a head injury”, he says, voice stern and definite. Richie groans loudly.

” _Fine_ , you little maniac.” Eddie glares but doesn’t say anything. ”I _know_ what to do with a head injury - not that I’m about to give you one, for the record.” Eddie doesn’t look convinced, but he slowly lowers his hand so Richie scoots forward again with a teasing smile forming on his lips. ”I can even promise not to touch you more than necessary”, he adds, and Eddie rolls his eyes but Richie can definitely see a blush starting to form and it’s the last thing he sees before he’s closing his eyes and pressing their lips together.

It’s softer and gentler than the first kiss - obviously since Richie didn’t literally _jump_ Eddie this time - but it’s also way less terrifying and more exhilarating. It reminds Richie of jumping into the quarry - it always takes a bit of courage to take the jump, but as you’re flying through the air you feel so free that it makes jumping worth it. It also leaves Richie breathless like right now, with Eddie slightly opening his mouth like he’s tasting the waters, seeing what that’s like.

It’s great, is what it’s like. 

Eddie tastes like the chapstick he’s always putting on, and it makes Richie’s toes curl because the amount of times he’s cursed that chapstick to all hell for making it impossible for Richie to stop staring at Eddie’s lips, and now he’s making a mental note to get Eddie some flavored one’s.

Eddie makes a noise of affirmation when Richie opens his mouth too and presses slightly closer, and it makes Richie raise his hand up from where they are curled in his lap, and he’s about to touch any part of Eddie he can reach before remembering his earlier promise.

Eddie seems to notice, because he makes a sound that sounds like both a scoff and an amused snort, and says ”You can touch me a _little_ you jerk”, before he puts his own hands on either side of Richie’s neck, fingers tangling in his curls.

”And they say romance is dead”, Richie mumbles back, against Eddie’s lips, and not only hearing but _feeling_ Eddie’s laugh is the absolute best feeling Richie’s possibly ever felt. He wants to get Eddie to do that again, but before he can come up with anything funny to say Eddie’s kissing him again, firmer this time. Richie lets his hands go where they want to, which in this instance are gently on Eddie’s waist, and Eddie makes a satisfied hum before moving closer, knocking their knees together.

It’s not really making out, more like getting to know each other in a new way, and even though Richie would gladly just stay there until the end of time his knees are starting to ache from sitting on them for so long, and Eddie’s bed is _right there_ , the soft mattress and pillows screaming their names.

Richie doesn’t want to do anything but kiss, not yet at least, and he’s trying to come up with a way to vocalize that when Eddie decides to change the game again, pressing his tongue tentatively against Richie’s bottom lip.

”Eds?”

”Mhm?” Eddie mumbles, not correcting the nickname which is information Richie files away for later. Eddie tries to close the small distance between their lips again, and Richie would love to let him but he’s also not made a dumb comment in a while, so.

Richie leans back, opens his eyes and smiles fondly at Eddie before smirking and squeezing Eddie’s hip to get him to open his eyes too. When he does Richie smiles wickedly and asks ”Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” Eddie blinks as Richie leans in closer to stage-whisper ”Because I do.”

It takes Eddie a moment for the words to sink in before he’s shoving Richie backwards.

”Oh my God you’re the fucking _worst_ , I can’t believe I want to kiss you, you are so fucking stupid”, Eddie groans and Richie laughs brightly before moving back in and batting his eyelashes.

”But you _do_ want to kiss me?” He asks, and the theatrics would have fooled someone who wasn’t Eddie, who has learned to read through Richie’s obvious methods of making a joke out of his insecurities.

So instead of making a joke back Eddie’s face softens.

”Yeah, I do”, he says, placing his forearms on Richie’s shoulders. Richie seems to relax at that, the barely visible insecurity dropping from his demeanor. ”I was probably dropped on my head as a child”, Eddie adds after a second, faking the contemplative look on his face in order to see Richie crack up. It works, and Richie’s still laughing as he asks ”Do you think they put a bandage on it?”

”Shut the _fuck up_ ” Eddie yells, shoving cackling Richie again. Richie lets him this time, and he’s about to say something witty and crude in return, but doesn’t get the chance as Eddie is already pulling him back in, biting Richie’s bottom lip for good measure.

Richie doesn’t get the chance for long while.

**Author's Note:**

> That’s that! Thank you for reading, I’d love to hear feedback. Also English is not my first language and I’m having some trouble with present and past tenses, so if anyone’s feeling like volunteering for beta-reading future fics that would be very helpful!
> 
> Also feel free to check out my three other reddie fics too, Eddie is always alive and so is Stan because fuck you Stephen King that's why.


End file.
